The Loved Ones

It's a very rare occurrence where I'm unable to think of anything to say. However it seems that has been the case in the last month and a bit. Surprising seeing as it was the 'festive' period and most people wouldn't be able to be contained. Fortunately I managed. Oh my, did I manage.

Having said that I did have a rather pleasant time at Christmas. It was my first (and hopefully only...) Christmas since leaving in 2007 and everything ran to how I remember it. That was fairly pleasing. Also I wasn't over burdened with gifts as I'd made it known that I was still planning to vanish in to the sunset this year. I have to say the highlight was the rain cover for my backpack. The bottom of the backpack is waterproof but nowhere else it. I had been caught short a couple of times and really should have got myself one but... eh, I did not. I dealt with it.

Not terribly much else has happened since my last blog post. I do lead a fairly simple life. I guess what I should really be doing is planning for the next stage of my life. I keep considering what elements need to come together so I can get my life in gear. But... nothing yet. In my mind I tackle it this way - it's as if there are a several clouds floating quite closely to each other. These clouds contain different elements of what I want to have in my life - marriage, job, friends, location, travel - and are fairly cool characters on their own. Where the problem arises is that they don't play well together. Two might mesh together particularly well but the other clouds are just real bastards and refuse to play at all. It's truly bothersome.

Realistically I think Canada is next on the cards. Not immediately though. I must first get a job, sucker some money out of the company I'm working for and then toddle along smartly to The True North. It's quite amusing how that place can be so enticing to me yet I can not think of what I want to be there. Perhaps that is something that I should contemplate figuring out. It has something to do with the Habs, poutine, snow and their ridiculously colourful money. Speaking of which they'll be changing to polymer money very soon. Woo.

Something that sticks with me from Canada was when I lived in Montreal. I had only just found work for myself and was enjoying it there. I was figuring out the Metro system by taking it as often as I could. One fine day I happened to slow down to talk to a chap who looked shadier than a barrel full of fish. The exchange went something like this...

Him: "Oh, hi. Bonjour.. do you speak English?"
Me: "Uh... yeah? Yeah, that's about the only language I speak"
Him: "Ohh, thank GOODNESS. I need your help..." - I should have figured him out by now - "...my wife and I got here on Monday night and we were just about to book in to our hotel when our bags got stolen. They had everything in there. Even our wallets. I tried going to the police here but they were so rude. I'm from Ottawa and our police wouldn't treat us like this..".
Me: "Uh huh"
Him: "So I'm wondering... could you spare a couple of dollars? So I can make a phone call or two?"
Me: "I don't think phone calls are that expensive to Ottawa"
Him: "Oh, I'm hungry too, man! I haven't eaten in, like, 3 days". It was closer to a day and a half.

This is where I decided to flip the game around.

Me: "Aw, man. I'd love to help you but I'll tell you what. Just look at the way I'm dressed, listen to the accent... I'm Australian and I've only just flown in here. I can't speak French and I ain't got a job so I'm completely dry out of money. I'd help but I'm struggling at the moment myself...". This went on for a while and I turned the sob story up pretty well.

Him: "Oh brother. Here... here have some of my money. You shouldn't have to suffer like that. I'm sorry that you can't get a job and I'm sorry things suck for you so much. But if I see you around again just remember me, okay?"

And with that he gave me about 10$. On in the inside I felt bad for doing that but only for about 10 minutes. I overheard some people in the Sherbrooke Metro station talking about how this guy had tried to con some money out of them. Months later I conned another couple of dollars out of him. I felt no guilt that time.

Yes! That was a bottle in my pocket. I'm never happy to see anyone!

I say! Who is that debonaire chap with the most keen fashion sense? Why, intrepid reader(s), that is me! I must retract what I said earlier about being boring and add that I attended a wedding about a fortnight ago. This is what the blog title alludes to.

My word...it was the most enchanting day I have had in a while. The sky stayed clear of cloud and the sun shone extra hard as two good friends became wed. The ceremony was short and sweet, rather audible and attended by friends and family. Not a fault at all.

The reception was equally amazing. Beer was flowing freely, the tunes were handpicked by the bridal party (mostly The Beatles so I was very involved in the singing and dancing) and everyone was socialising. The speeches were sweet, humourous and well written and the night was young. What made the night for me was two things. The unexpected barbecue fire that was swiftly dealt with AND also the cheese that no one touched. Golly, did I eat all that cheese. Je ne regrette rien. Not a thing.

I feel like I've written a "What I Did Over the Summer Holidays" style pastiche. I promise to improve my writing style one day. Not now... but one day

Without further ado I'd like to introduce Mr Elvis Costello with The Loved Ones. This song can be found on Imperial Bedroom. P.P.S.I.L.O.V.E.Y.O.U indeed!

Take care, be good, read lots of books.

Until next time.

Long, Long, Long

Howdy!

Well seems it has been quite a while since I've posted anything on there. I've made a couple of attempts to write something on here but it has usually come out quite rubbish or drenched in ridiculous sarcasm. Most of those attempts have ended up deleted and I thought I'd try a more serious approach. So far, so good!

It's been 59 days since I last posted anything on here and within those 59 days I've accomplished quite a bit. Rather I should clarify and say that I got myself a job. Sure, it's only a part time job but it is allowing me to pay off my credit card debt which, in reality, I shouldn't have accrued in the first place. I was somewhat shocked when I was told how much I owed but then again I was using it pretty heavily in the UK so really I'm reaping what I have sowed. Fortunately it's not an enormous, insurmountable debt and I'm paying it off quicker than is the required amount. Yay, responsibility!

Now that I know I'm not getting my Green Card I think I'll at least look in to buying a car. Not because I'm lazy but I would like to be able to go down south to Denmark for a little while. And 'cause adults like I'm meant to be should have one so I'd best conform and get a car. I'm not even looking for an expensive car. I've got a fairly good idea of where I'll be looking at definitely the price range. I just saw a convertible that would be awesome to buy but there's motor trouble. I guess there's going to be aesthetic problems with any car under about $5000. Oh well! You know the old adage about beggars and their inability to be fussy over articles.

What else... uh, Christmas gift are now being thought of and processed. I really can't handle people who begin to get in the spirit of Christmas too early. It's slightly unnerving. I guess the good thing about Christmas is Boxing Day. It's the furthest away from next Christmas you can be. Plus there's plenty of food to eat the day after and I can honestly deal with that.

On the topic of food I've decided to really cut down on my intake and stop 'grazing'. On top of that I've started exercising/riding my bike quite a bit more and I've actually lost 2 kilos (4lbs, American friends!). That's quite exciting. I shouldn't have really let myself become Count Flabula anyway!

Right! I must finish doing what ever it is I am doing now. Interestingly enough I was drawing! And I don't ever draw!

Oh, I almost forgot! From now on I'm going to be posting Youtube videos of the songs the blog posts are named after. I'm not sure if people realise but the titles are songs! Get with it, people.



Long, Long, Long is a song by The Beatles and can be found on their eponymous (look it up) album The Beatles.

I Hope You're Happy Now

Well, well, well... look who came trudging back through the sludge of the internet to update his ridiculous 'web log' about nothing in particular. La-di-da, look at who has thoughts that he thinks need to be published. Pish posh. I apologise for the delay in communications but I have been stricken down with a fairly serious case of laziness. I just had no desire to write anything and I am sorry. There. An apology for the 3 people that read this.

So where did I leave everyone? On the teetering edge of a thrilling conclusion? Leading up to a sexy romantic comedy where the nerd turns in to a hunk and uses his new found power for good? No. It wasn't anything like that. It was me whining about how much I missed America. Oh, and apparently that was just after I had received my Green Card application notice. Haven't heard a lick of that since I sent it off. I'm hoping that's a blessing in disguise. No news is good news, right? RIGHT?

It's 6 days now until I finish work and head off to backpack (finally) around the United Kingdom. It has only taken my 4 years to realise why I came here, plan it and put it in to effect. That's a long damned time, y'know. But as it stands I'll probably start off in London, out to Bath and Bristol, Plymouth then to Cardiff. Up through Wales to Birmingham, then Liverpool and Manchester. After that I'd set off to Sheffield and Leeds then to Newcastle where I'd stay for a couple of days. Next off to Berwick-upon-Tweed on the train to Edinburgh. That's about as far as I've planned so far. That'll take me a good two or three weeks especially seeing as I want to explore Liverpool a bit more. Tentatively I'd also like to head off to Ireland and then to East Anglia (the eastern area of England!). If this all happens, however, is a different kettle of fish.

I also travelled to Poland in the blog hiatus. That was quite fun, I have to say. I'm surprised I survived as well as I did. Managed to get myself a quaint little hostel in the middle of the city and set up camp there for 9 days. I happened to meet some fairly good people and from there decided to expand my creeping territory. The place is amazing and I'm rather disappointed I didn't bring my camera along. I will definitely be going back to Warsaw. I also stopped off in Paris. Technically the airport but seeing as I stepped outside I count that as having visited. In a fantasy world I will meet some awesome people at a hostel I'm staying at and then we can all travel Europe! Yippee.

If money were no object I would buy myself a nice tent, a new sleeping bag and a waterproof jacket. The sleeping bag I have is slowly coming to a decline. The down is starting to get thin and separate so it's not keeping me as warm. The zippers are slowly starting to groan and creak. For 4 years service I think it has been exemplary and I won't soon forget the service and warmth that sleeping bag has offered me. I'm getting a little emotional. (not so much really...)

Well that's it from me. There's your quad-monthly update on the landside of a life I run. If you want a blurb style snippet here it is: I am alive and well and about to travel England. Yep, there you go. That's all you need to know.

Until next time, chaps and chapettes.

For Your Pleasure

Well I had planned to make this a post about me beiiiing in the USA but that turned out to be FALSE. So since the last time I updated I've actually beeeeeen in the US but now I'm back in England. Woopety doo. I couldn't fathom how awesome it was while I was away so I decided to come back. All a matter of trial and error, I'm sure.

So what am I doing whilst I'm back here? Same thing I always am - FAILING. Well not constantly but... it's definitely there. I can feel it. Blech. I hate the post-travel blues. Not surprisingly I've felt not desire to go out anywhere and when I have I've felt that I do so begrudgingly. Something else I'm not entirely amused by is replacing all the things I lost whilst I were in States. I liked the phone I had so when I couldn't find it that really bothered me. However in a serendipitous turn of events the phone is unlocked so I can finally use my phone in the United States which, in the past, was a problem. Then there's the camera that I managed to misplace. I'm sure it will turn up at one of my favourite haunts. I'm going to wait on this. Until that time it may prompt me to get my other camera up and running. I liked the optical zoom on that. Plus I've had it since 2006/7 and may as well make use of it.

In the interests of syntax I'm going to make a paragraph break here.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog reading.

Yeah, right... regularly scheduled. Snort snort.

As it happens I wasn't chosen for the Green Card in their 'diversity lottery' which was pretty emotionally crippling. I managed that crippling emotional deficit by filling the void with alcohol. It was an incredibly effective way of suppressing/retarding my emotions. The unfortunate negatives included my money flying out the window and me being, at times, an absolute fiend to Chelsea. And I'm sorry for that, my dear. I wish to curse hindsight and begin to use more foresight. 

YET through all that bureaucratic garbage there was hope on the horizons courtesy of a glitch in the selection process. Seems that anyone who was selected in the original drawing was more than likely chosen from the first two days of the initial application process. As such this lead the results to not be random and therefore they couldn't be used. After all: 

Immigrant visa numbers made available under subsection (c) (relating to 

diversity immigrants) shall be issued to eligible qualified immigrants strictly in a 

random order established by the Secretary of State for the fiscal year involved. 

Basically I'm really happy that I get another chance in the same year. Schadenfreude! That being said I really mustn't build my hopes up again as I'm not sure if my liver can take another sustained hit like that. Blech.

Something I've been genuinely considering in the last couple of months is travelling Asia. Big time travelling where blisters get their own blisters and very soon you forget that you spoke English and start speaking broken English so that you think the locals will understand you. So yeah. That could be fun. I'd like to head to India then make my way up to Korea. Orrrr as far as I can get before I die, am killed, run out of money OR decide that I can't do this on my own. Which I probably can't. In any instance I'll hopefully have a good friend of mine come along so at least that way I can make semi-informed decisions. Hopefully.

Well seeing as my PRESSING schedule of doing nothing is backing up I had best go about sorting out my mind. That could take all day or as little as five minutes. Who knows. 

Until next time!

(whenever that is...)

Sunny Afternoon

Oh, it's just a joke is that title. It's dreary, grey and hateful over here.

Anyway I hope to be starting this Couch to 5k programme. I need to do it. I need to stop being such a flabber.

That's about it. Also not spend so much money. Damn ADULTHOOD.

The Thin Line Between Love And Hate

Seeing as I've been bartending for three years now (1 non-consecutive! Imagine that) I thought that I might enlighten people a little on what is and what isn't kosher when you're standing there, money in hand, waiting to be served. So with out further ado...

DO:

• Know what you want before you come up umm'ing and errr'ing. There are often times when you may have been waiting to be served by me or one of my colleagues for up to 5 minutes and you're looking all antsy as if your drinks can't wait. Then when we ask you what you want you stumble over your words like there's a wheel clamp on your brain that leads right to your tongue. White wine and soda? Fine. I can do that. Just don't ever single order.
• Help us out if you're ordering an archaic drink or some ridiculous cocktail/mocktail. I like to think that I've got a fairly decent grasp on popular drinks but if you're coming in asking for a "French Slipper" or "The Boatswains Mate" and I happen to look a little mystified don't roll your eyes and exhale angrily. For all I know you've probably made that drink up OR you're calling a fairly common drink by some other name. By the way I made those two drinks up. See...
• Tip us. We're not expecting millions off you but giving us anything made of copper is almost equal to you spitting in our eyes. Sure those pennies add up (as Freudian slips go I wrote "those penis add up...) but only after about 40 years will we be able to afford that new iron lung that we'll be hankering for. I'm not sure what a bartender's wage is in the United States but the tipping over there is certainly enticing. That being said my old pub - The Midland - was amazing for tips. I guess it depends on location. Bloody Southerners.
• Be patient with us and realise that we do know you're there. I'll definitely give you acknowledgment either a nod or a wink - both of which are just as good to a blind horse - or verbal acknowledgement: "I'll be with you in a second", "Be with you in two shakes of a dead lamb's tail", "Won't be a sec" or something similar. I know that a lot of my colleagues will do the same but there are some who will concentrate on the drink trying to ignore you. Please don't think we're all like that. 
• Make SOME effort for small talk. I know that a lot of people don't come to a bar to involve themselves in idle chit-chat but a grunt is definitely not an answer. I'm well aware that the days of a bartender polishing a glass while asking "Why the long face?" are on the wane. All I'm trying to do is develop a rapport with you. I am fine with not beginning a life long friendship but surely you'd like a nice "Hello" when you come in and have a freshly poured pint/wine/cocktail waiting for you. That being said don't ask us our parental heritage when you can see they we're busy. There's a time and a place, sunshine.

DON'T:

• Be outraged when we don't have your favourite drink. I can certainly imagine that it would be a minor inconvenience but so is a hangnail or a stubbed toe. Broadening your gustatory horizons mightn't be your cup of tea but having a mini-tantrum because we've run out of a popular wine/beer/spirit is no reason for us to bear the brunt of your wrath.
• Click, whistle, tap, sing or wave at us in hopes that you'll get served next. Even worse is saying "Yes, please!". As I've previously said most bartenders will acknowledge you and 99% of the time we'll get the ordering of service correct. As we are human and capable of error we may serve someone ahead of you but, as above, there's no reason for you to act overly distraught that you may have to wait another 30 seconds. The ultimate error is grabbing us or tapping us on the shoulder. This is the ultimate invasion of our space and you shouldn't be surprised if we refuse to serve you and/or have you ejected from the premises. That being said, most people are quite content in my service. I love you.
• Destroy beer mats/coasters and/or make a mess that you wouldn't like in your own home. I absolutely refuse to believe people would live like this at home. Why would you want people around you to think you're a complete slob in your own nest? A note to parents: Either control your children or leave them in the company of someone who can. Just because you and your chums are guzzling enough wine to drown a very large gorilla that does not give you any allowance for letting your little ones to run amok through the establishment. Also if your baby/toddler is screaming his/her head off please take them away to calm them down. I'm not anti-child but when you're ignoring them and letting them scream their way to health and happiness that KIND of raises my ire. 
• Abuse us in any way, shape or form. Most of my colleagues are capable of telling when you're having a laugh or referring to an in-joke but the moment you turn nasty it's pretty much end game for you. We'll try and calm you down but if you you remain angsty we'll get the management and likely they'll ask you to leave. This includes the aforementioned physical abuse. 
• Ask for drinks after we're done serving. We have no legal obligation to let you know it's last orders; it's merely a courtesy call so you can stay indoors for another half an hour before we come around and ask you to leave. Trying to persuade me to let you have one last one after we have finished is very illegal. Not only can the company and I get fined but whoever has their personal license can potentially lose it. No, thanks. A substantial fine for a £3 drink just doesn't seem fair to me.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Most of you are pretty good and I love to serve guests who are amicable and smiling. There's no sense in being rude. It gets you nowhere and will more than likely push you further down the service list. Just try and remember all of this the next time you confidently swagger up to the bar and lock eyes with the bartender

Until next time readers - take care 

On The Road To Findout

Because I'm just OVERLOADED with money (a banking error it seems!) I will be planning to go back to the United States around April time to stay a month with my loved one. You might be begging to ask "Cameron? But WHY would you want to do that after the last time you were there?". I would answer with "Well I'm glad you asked, loyal reader!". Then I'd probably trail off on a whole ton of reasons relating to love, the tyranny of distance and how often I get to see her vs. the density/quality of the stay. Basically those are things that a lot of you wouldn't understand! But anyway we'll all jump that hurdle when we get there. The rough outline is already planned in my head. Seems KLM is the airline to fly but reviews don't seem that amazing. Cheap airfare but shoddy service? I think I can deal with that. Especially after having spent 2 and a half days on a Greyhound bus from Nashville to Montreal. Oh, the fun I had then!

Hopefffffully I will be getting access to wireless internet and not have to use this dongle (snicker!). Then I can finally upload pictures of my Surrey adventure. Things are swinging pretty nicely. I am becoming satisfied with my life here which is kind of amusing considering my resentful comments when I got here. I said the same thing when I got to Cheshire though. AND LOOK HOW THAT ENDED UP! I wish this place had more of a bar area so people would come in and drink more. Shame that doesn't seem to be the case. However there is an Innkeeper's Lodge upstairs and too many rowdy drunkards wouldn't really sit well with the patrons upstairs. Like it or lump it, I think.

I would like to start building model aeroplanes. I wrote airplanes then. I'm somewhat disappointed in my semi-conversion to American words. I do, however, think it will be easier when communicating with people over there. I'll try and make a Yorkshire pudding for someone over there. Roast dinners, ahoy. Speaking of roast dinners or at least on the topic of food - I enjoyed a vegetarian haggis for the second time in my life but I boiled it? It was amazing! I included the neeps and tatties and they were just as good! Oh, Scotland. You call for me from the glens.

I'm pretty sure I should go and get myself ready for work now. Another eight hours of locking wits with cooks, people who drink Guinness and blackcurrant and the coffee machine. That machine is the bane of my life. Amongst many other things, come to think of it.

Take care, be ware.